Snark Sharks

Bitch be cool!

Ok, now this is exactly the type of bitch that gets the Great White worked up.  Please, Please - read the article (here) (Update - They pulled this link down and I can’t find her anywhere on MSN Style - my guess why?  Cuz she’s a beyatch! from this uppity cunt (yes it’s a horrible and offensive word - but it sounds great and I love it, so get over it) before you even beginning to read.

Now couple things first here - Yes at the Snark Sharks we make fun of everyone and anything with a pulse, so it’s not like we are perched atop a moral high ground.  I mean “Unleash Your Inner A-Hole” for crying out loud.  But one of the things that really gets my fainting goat, is the oh so superior to you because … well there’s no reason, just they are because some media outlet gave them a voice instead of passing on them.

The truth of the matter is this so often is some stick up her ass ice princess that needs to constantly tell you how much better than you she is.  You never hear guys say - “OMG, that is sooooo passe you can’t wear that any more bro!”So here’s a couple of the style and etiquette tips of our bitch of the day has to offer any of the females that would like to squeeze themselves into a bathing suit this summer.

1. Fat girl - Tiny Bikini.  Don’t do it.  Um well duh…. You may be comfortable with your body lady, but the rest of us aren’t.  I agree with her here, it’s fine if your big - sexy comes in all sizes.  But none wants to see fat rolls and stretch marks at the beach.  I think we can add back hair guy into this equation too.  Shave it or keep your shirt on Chewbacca.
2. Necklaces made of thin chains.  WTF?  I mean you are passing judgement of people’s choice of jewelry to go with the swimsuit?  Oh… wear something clunky instead?  Oh because you like that big clunky shit other people have to too?  Isn’t jewelry one of the things that’s not supposed to go out of style?  Get over yourself.
3. Jewelry worn below the waist.  Ok this beyatch seriously has some issues with jewelry.  She goes on to dog - toe rings and ankle bracelets which are at the height of hippie chick fashion… COME ON.  Saying that the last time any of that stuff was racy was in the 70’s.  As a dude - I’ve got to say um I’ve been seeing chicks wear that stuff for years… What do you have against other people wearing them… Got cankles or something?
4. Shaved poontang - she says that this leaves a little less to the imagination than she desires.  So what?  As a guy, I can say ladies buzz that beav! Don’t worry about panty liners or a thicker gusset (whatever the fuck that is).  Keep the downlow shorn.  What the hell is she checking out chicks camel toe for any way.  Mind your business!
5. Pierced belly buttons - Ohhh their sooooo 1990’s.  Fuck you!  They are hot.  Incase you don’t

   

   Decepti-tramp?

   remember lady they were the reason for crop tops and the appearance of the midriff as an accessory.  More flesh… Men love it.  But if you have to pass on the navel piercing you can always get the tramp stamp to let us know that you have low standards and questionable morals.

6. Floppy Titty Syndrome….. yeah I mean I have to agree w/her here.  If your are carrying around a couple of 18 pound bowling ball mammaries - the sting bikini might not be your first choice.  You want a nice over the shoulder boulder holder to keep the twins somewhere above the mendoza line.  Either that or you might wanna wear a hernia brace.
7. Platform Mules - Um I’m not even sure what this is about.  Are there a lot of chicks bring crossbred equines to the beach?  Honestly who gives a fuck what shoes you wear to the beach.  Although you should probably think about none… or flip flops.  I mean it is the beach.

So ladies - this swimsuit season wear whatever the hell you want -so sayeth the Snark Sharks.  But be mindful that just like your tires have a maximum PSI (Pounds per Square Inch) so does a bikini, if you suffer from FTS (Floppy Titty Syndrome) then give the twins a little support.  Other than that - just choose something that makes you happy!